About 70% of my life is driven by interactions with the Internet. Immediately after waking up, I groggily reach for my phone to catch up with Instagram and Facebook posts I may have missed in the past five hours. Not very many. As I work, my phone is constantly flashing with alerts from world-renowned news sources such as perezhilton.com and TMZ. To top things off, my weekends are spent in a cozy corner of my room, reading the latest nonsense on Reddit.
I have to admit, my online endeavors are a desperate attempt to get with the times and I often find myself wondering what life would be like without the marvels of the Internet. To no surprise, panic and riots ensue.
Give Me Selfies or Give Me Death
As soon as the plug is pulled on the Internet (for hypothetical reasons), a communal cry is heard around the world. The masses will restart, unplug and destroy their modems in anger and frustration. Hordes of people will then make their way to local coffee shops and libraries in a futile attempt to freeload Wi-Fi and tweet about how hard life has become. After endless days of hopelessness, people begin to realize the future is bleak.
The Dawn of Boring
The months following the fall of the great Internet are filled with…not much, really. Without the ability to share selfies, men and women continue to take them, but keep them stored in their phones as a sad reminder of the “likes” that could have been. With the collapse of online interactions comes the downfall of many television shows. Eventually the hosts of programs such as Catfish: The TV Show and Tosh.0 are seen panhandling in the streets after their careers have been cut short.
Soon, people will discover something new in their lives: the outdoors. Map and compass companies will make a fortune as a result of everyone’s knack for exploration and lack of Google Maps. But this happiness is short-lived and ceases to exist when people become saddened and defeated when they are unable to share their triumphant status updates and Instagram posts. With nothing to expect out of everyday life, humankind will continue with its morose existence.
Daydreaming of a world without the Internet can provide hilarious and frightening mental images, but the most important thing it helps us realize is just how much we need and benefit from online interactions. Sure, selfies and ignorant status updates can get on our nerves and lead to heated arguments, but the truth is, that’s what it’s all about. The freedom to easily share what your heart desires and fill your head with more knowledge than you can handle. So post on, everyone, and keep your online presence alive and thriving.