The Empire of Nerds: Why I’d Rather Not Travel to a Galaxy Far, Far Away with My Coworkers

I love my job. I really do. Digital marketing is the best thing that’s happened to the tech industry in a long time. I also love my coworkers. I look forward to seeing them each day and they make my work environment one to be envied by many. But then in December of 2016, something happened. Our boss, John, dragged us to go watch Rogue One, the Star Wars spinoff movie. To say I didn’t care for it is an understatement, but geez was everyone in the office obsessed with the space drama.

Rogue One : A Girl and Something About Her Father and Killing Bad Guys

The CGI in Rogue One is great. The storyline? I’d rather sit through pre-calculus in high school again. Let me break down the movie as I saw it: an orphaned girl connects with a spy, other rebels and her long-lost father to destroy a big floating ball in space that shoots a big laser.

Editor’s Note: It’s called the Death Star, Clair.

Yeah, the Death Star. Anyway, the biggest star of that movie was the robot who had more personality that any of the human characters. The one character I did recognize was Darth Vader, and in the hallway scene where he slays rebels that so many movie fans loved, it looked like he was playing around with a foam pool noodle. Everyone dies in the movie, but from what my coworkers tell me, if you’ve seen A New Hope, then you’ll know that the events shown in Rogue One led to the rebels destroying the Death Star. That’s it. The end. At least the seats were comfy.

Laugh You Shall, but Funny, it is Not

Eventually, I got over the nerdiness and things went back to normal. Then on Friday, April 14th, it happened again. The trailer for the new Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi, dropped. I cringed at the thought of being dragged to the theater once again after hearing about this. A few minutes later, my fears were confirmed when John said we’d be taking a field trip to watch it in December.

These people seemed normal. They were nice. They dotted their I’s and crossed their T’s. You know how it is. But little did I know that their masks of normalcy would transform into a Jedi-loving, Chewbacca-referencing and light-saber-owning world of nerdiness when I first started working here.

Revenge of the Outcast

So, I first sat through two hours of nonsense while my jaw locked due to all of the endless yawning. Today, my perfectly good Friday was ruined because of The Last Jedi. Now I have until December to brace myself for the boredom, or maybe I’ll get the flu and avoid it altogether? Either way, at least I’ll have Wonder Woman to look forward to in June.

Editor’s Second Note: I’d like to apologize for Clair’s offensive viewpoints on this fun film franchise, but freedom of speech and all that.